The Gift I Bring You Today

By Gloria Gaither, a book of simple prayers.


The Gift I bring you today, Lord
Is not easy for me to give.
Oh, not because I don't want you to have it,
I do.
But becuase it is in pieces and scattered all over my life.
If it were in one neat chunk, it would be easy.
But at this point, I'm quite sure I can't even find them all-
and some pieces are such strange shapes
I'm not sure I'd even recognise them to give You.
Si I'm giving You the pices I see and recognize,
the ones I can identify.
And I'm giving you my pledge:
If You'll help me find the rest of the pieces-
no matter how long it takes
or how deeply embedded they are
in the fabric of my days-
I will give You those, too.
Is that something You'll accept?
It's sort of a gift on the installment plan, I guess.
And like an installment, You own it and have it coming.
Please search my heart
and know that it is my true desire
to give You all of it.
My gift to You, Jesus, is control.
Save me from the influence of a world, a time and a culture
that brainwash me daily in every way
to believe that being in control,
taking control,
and never losing control,
is the only way to live.
I know that instead it is the quickest way to die.
It is the Eden story all over again.
Today, Lord, take control of my life.
I give You all the control I can find.
Help me find it all and give it with joy.
Amen.


My Life ,
Is so sweet .
I am cradled here
A precious pearl
A beloved daughter
In God's hands .

Yi Hui.

Going..gone.

I've had so much time on my hands lately. And when I have time to spare I like to sit quietly and think, and when I think I naturally get worried, so then I pray and then I think some more.

I've been living my life like a dream..my days are pleasant and filled with simple activity. I drive, run frequently, drink tea and eat cake. I read many books, mingle with friends and I always stop to smell the roses. Nothing odd or out of the ordinary at all. I don't want to pierce this perfect bubble Ive built. I don't want to wake up because that means facing my future, although by beginning this post I slowly am starting to grapple with reality. Call me a coward, I am.



The countdown until the day I leave is drawing closer, and this puts a lot of stress on me.
I don't want to leave!

Do you know at one moment I can be a strong-willed, mature and confident person, brimming with hope and excitement for what the future holds. Then suddenly, when im gardening, playing the guitar or what not, I don't feel so good anymore and I'm reduced to this. A frightened child.
AM I BIPOLAR? :/

It makes me keep questioning myself.




Hey there! Yes you! Did you know im leaving?
.
.
.
For all you know I'm already gone.



Dear God, I need your comfort now.

Testimony Part One

Hello hello hello beloved people!

It was so long ago since I last blogged, but I just thought that I should return to testify how good and how faithful the Lord has proven himself to be while I was on holiday in America. If you were to read my last post, you would see how frightened and insecure I was at the prospect of being away and alone in a different land. I prayed that God would take care of me, comfort me and and keep me from harm. Well, God did answer my prayers! Hang on, just in case you think it was a *poof!* instantaneous thing, let me assure you that He had me first invest time in seeking Him through prayer and the Word. I am sure that God desires that each one of us earnestly searches for Him. Dearly beloved, I assure you if you seek Him, you will indeed find Him.

Let me draw out the salient points of my vacation, I'm going to attempt to keep things short and simple :D

1) He cares for me.

I cannot even begin to illustrate the magnitude of my fears, insecurities and unhappiness that dogged me as I prepared for this trip to America. Many would consider my situation a blessing- two and a half months of parent-free, winter-themed excitement in New Jersey and New York, with ample cash to sustain a moderately lavish lifestyle, housing and board settled! However, being the silly goose that I am, I was bogged down by so many worries: Will I be happy? Wont I be terribly home sick? (Its two and a half months over Christmas for crying aloud!), will I be able to make friends? Will I be okay by myself on NY's streets and subways? Will my church group be okay too?-- and the like! I cried during take-off. With each new height the plane reached, my sense of security dipped even lower. I felt terrible. I just had left my home, my friends, my church, practically everything I depended on down there in little Singapore.

My first few nights in New Jersey were spent crying out to God. I told Him I was unhappy, and that I didn't want to be here because I felt so alone and small by myself. It was about the fourth night in NJ that God provided the answer. I dreamt that I was at the airport with my baggage in tow, all ready to go home after a quick stay in America. Somehow instead of being elated, I was downcast. There was this nagging feeling that I didn't accomplish what I set out to do in America. I woke up, and promptly forgot about it. However, that night I had the very same dream. Again I was at the airport ready to fly back to Singapore. Once again I was plagued with that feeling that I didn't accomplish what I set out to do. I woke up and pondered over my dream. Then I remembered I had prayed to God prior to this trip how much I wanted to this opportunity of being away from home to establish a closer relationship with Him.

The realisation hit me hard. I had been so much in earnest about making the best of this trip to draw closer to Him, but at the last moment I was so consumed by all my worries and fears that I completely forgot this key aspect. I went to God in prayer and thanked him for the dreams. From then on my attitude towards being in America changed. I looked forward to each day as a new challenge that I would undertake WITH my Lord's help.

Sometimes my friend, God will place you in a situation that is not comfortable at all. Yes it is difficult, it may(and most probably will) cause a fair amount of heart-ache. Yet, He intends for us to grow in these tough situations. With God's help we should tackle and defeat these tough points in our life, not let them defeat us. Like my pastor once said, "should we only accept Good things from God and not Bad?" He was quoting Job. If we truly seek to be the best servants of the Almighty God that we can be, we should welcome these situations and face them with the correct attitude-because it means that God is refining parts of our character to become more beautiful and pleasing in His eyes. Remember the analogy of the clay pots in the fire? The potter puts them into the flames so as to strengthen them. When God sent me to America, He was effectively knocking away the false foundations for my self-worth and security (friends, family, safety, dependency on others to name a few) and replacing it with Himself. Not that friends and family aren't important! They are blessings from God to me and definitely are important. However, God intends Himself to be our chief security and stronghold. My trip to America was in this sense my 'fire', and I learnt to depend on Him during those uncertain times and to trust in Him so sustain me. Now that I've emerged from the flames, I rejoice because I know that I am made stronger in His eyes.

In the future to come, I can already detect yet more mountains to climb and indeed more fires with fierce flames to pass through. To quote Christian missionary Isobel Kuhn, :"I (am) only a young girl, with just a girl's experience of life' However, I have a quiet confidence in understanding that whatever situation God calls me into, He will personally see me through. It has become quite a habit with me to say "God, lets walk through this together" I think I am quite adamant that I always stay with Him and especially so during tough situations. However, I'm sure that God is also equally adamant that I remain by His side.

Dearly beloved, are you handling a difficult experience in life right now? I know it is draining and I know it hurts but I just want you to remember that God understands. He sees our struggles and He cares. Perhaps this situation is similar to mine in the sense that you are being strengthened even as your pass through this fierce fire. Beloved, put your hand into the hand of God and walk together. I know you will emerge from the flames rejoicing.

.

..

...

Dear God,

Thank you for always being so near to each and everyone of us,

I pray for anyone who needs a touch of comfort from Your hand right now,

Lift them into a full embrace!

Walk with them and encourage them if any are weary from facing difficult trials

Help us to know that through these difficulties we become stronger

It is your will for us, because we are Your

beloved.

.

.

Amen

When I Returned from Rome

A

bird took flight.

And a flower in a field whistled at me

as I passed

I drank

from a stream of clear water.

And at night the sky untied her hair and I fell asleep

clutching a tress

of God's.

When I returned from Rome, all said,

"Tell us the great news."

And with great excitement I did:"A flower in a field whistled,

and at night the sky untied her hair and

A fell asleep clutching a

sacred tress...''

-St. Francis of Assisi.

I leave for America alone this Friday, and I will only be back in February.

Truthfully my dear I am overwhelmed.

They say one tends to find oneself when one experiences life in a foreign place,

But then I was thinking and thinking.. if one can find oneself, can one not lose oneself as well?

.

..

...

If you love me and hold me dear as your friend, pray that somewhere, somehow, a flower will whistle at me, the night sky will untie her dark hair for me, and every night no matter where I am on the face of this earth I will fall asleep with one of God's tresses in my hand..

Dearest Jesus,

I pray that you keep my friends and family safe when I am away!

Let me return and find out that all the plants in my room

have flourished in my absence.

Amen.

After A's

Friends, Romans, Countrymen...IT'S AFTER A's ( YES we know!) Ive been wanting to blog for so long but Ive come down with a severe case of Writer's Block (procrastination!) Haha :D Then last night I thought about my blog for so long that i had a blogging nightmare. In an effort to prevent the same from occurring, I'm here writing to you before i go to bed. (:

I'm not going to talk about A's, its over and done, full stop. No amount of worrying is going to change what you wrote in that essay, neither will lamenting alter which box you shaded in your MCQ answer sheet! However i do just want to share one brief thought. Jeremiah 29:11 reads : "I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." So take heart friends. Whether we achieve our ideal grades of no, God in His wisdom , can still use whatever situation to give us a glorious future in Him. Because of this promise, you (yes YOU!) can look forward to uncertain days ahead without fear.

In the turbulent period of A's, the two themes that kept on coming to me again and again were these:
1) In whatever situation, God's grace is sufficient.
2)Do not be afraid to trust in God as He loves you.

Friends there is a song that goes :
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When don't see his plan
When you can't trace his hand
Trust His Heart.

Somehow in my walk with God, i find that God loves to emphasise the aspect of His love for me. Always He keeps on telling me this "My child, I love you, I love you, I love you'. (maybe God thinks i might forget!) And in everything i do and in every situation i face, when all the groundless fears and overwhelming imagined thoughts threaten to sweep me away into some dark place, God's love is my shining beacon. Friends i hope that God's love will be a shining beacon for you too, especially in this transition period of waiting to go into university or NS! It is my prayer that should the situation arise when we cant see God's plan, or when we cant trace His hand, we will all be able to simply trust His heart of love. (:

Anyway, leaving A levels behind, let's talk about the present! These are happy days indeed! Ive been going out practically everyday meeting up with old friends/new friends/classmates :D
So far Ive been out with Tricia and doing crazy high-speed shopping, with Valerie to get her new beautiful guitar, prom shopping, shoe shopping (you can tell i do alot of shopping!) Ive watched a movie with my beloved SDONE and gone for a party at Vic's house( they taught me mahjong), eaten dinner with Jowell and JJ, lunched with Allan and Ryan (who drove us!) Last night I went with some SDONERS to the Night Safari! It was awesome fun seeing the creatures of the night show! I'm also looking to meet up with MG friends and my childhood buddies Sujesh and Mallek soon. (: I will also get to spend some time with my church friends this Sunday because our Sunday school is going out together for the first time! (excited!) And tomorrow I'm meeting Jack and Gabriel for a nice lunch. Also, Ive started running again, isn't that awesome! I'm slowly building my mileage , next year i hope to compete in the Standard Charted Half Marathon and better my timing. (Who wants to join me! Tag ME AND LETS TRAIN TOGETHER!)
Things I'm looking forward to are the Churchill outing on Mon(we're going bowling!), Prom on Tues and the Cf Chalet!

Also, I'm currently reading Hard times, Jude the Obscure and Octavian Nothing. I like to bring my dog to the park and read, but there are alot of mosquitoes. ^^" I'm so happy to be back with literature again, when i encounter another inspiring poem, I'll put it up for you ok!

Okay, pictures! :D

Sean looking oh so cute!

Kerri, Parkee, me

I love Helsa and Viggy!

PW GROUP!

EUGENE!

A princess of mirrors on the left!

And yes, that is Elson's tongue.

Sdoner guys attempting to look strong..

Tim!

Not SDONE. But a really nice picture so i decided to put it up anyway!

Finally.. SDONE.

I hope everyone is enjoying themselves!
God bless and take care <3
Hrmm wait im suddenly reminded of a song!

Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name.

Everyday In God's grace
Shalom,
Yihui.

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So smile because God loves you!

Before A's

The Students Prayer:
The Lord is my Teacher;
I shall not sleep.
He makes me stay awake
in my studies all night;
He leads me from
page to page.
He restores my sanity;
He guides me in the
path of consciousness,
For my grade's sake.

Even though I grow weary
in the shadow of books,
I fear no test,
for Thou art with me.
Thy rod and Thy staff,
they keep jabbing me.

Thou wilt prepare a test for me
In the presence of my classmates.
Thou hast crammed my mind
with knowledge;
My eyelids overlap.
Surely a good grade
and a kind teacher will follow me
after the test,
or I will dwell in this class forever.

~Author Unknown~

To everyone taking the A's (or other exams), remember that we are in this together!
I firmly believe that the Lord has called us to be students, so let us be the best students we can be!
He his our fortress,our tower of strength! The Lord,who has seen us through so many chapters in our life,will certainly see us through this one. In the meantime, don't forget to give praise to God for the little blessings that come our way.
All the best for your A'LEVELS my friends, TO GOD BE THE GLORY,THE BEST IS YET TO BE*

:D *haha i couldnt resist!

Wihout Purpose

These past few weeks have been very difficult for me. In the day at school i find that i can put it all aside, because those nagging troubled feelings can be suppressed by the huge amount of revision that needs to be done. In addition, there are friends to distract you and to make you smile (: But then as of late i find that when the evening creeps on and night descends upon our earth, the same darkness always seems to engulf my soul. Once again i am utterly crushed.


On Friday night at about 10 pm a wave of sadness and worry suddenly came upon me. And as i waited for my mum to pick me up after tuition i wept. Unfortunately I was standing near the side of the road and everyone must have thought 'why is there a crazy dishevelled school girl crying in public?'I wanted to throw my books to the ground and bury my face in my hands. However that would have been strange, so all i did was pinch the bridge of my nose and swallow back my tears.


Yesterday night i told God to please kill me. Yes its extreme, but it was how i felt. Until now i still cannot define the purpose of my existence. Of course, the text book reply (which every christian including myself knows) is your purpose on earth is to serve and worship God blah blah and etc. The problem is i am THE WORSE and THE LAST PERSON God should be calling to serve Him. I can't sing, i don't play any instrument, in my opinion I'm a terrible group leader and i fail at praying in public. So now what? I am not wonderfully intelligent, i don't have any gifts. And then, what of God's promises to me, what of His calling? I bet that if he could take back the very words He said to me 2 years and 4 years ago, He would. Right now He's probably thinking" OK, nice mess this has turned out to be!" And i agree. Whole heartedly i agree.
.
.
..
In a box there are many light bulbs, there is no logic in using a 60 watt light bulb to light a room when you have many 100 watt light bulbs.
Similarly, if your economy is large and your currency is widely used, why use exchange rate policy when interest rate policy will be more effective?


And even tonight as i type this, my soul is once again heavy.
later when i do my QT, i wont know what to read.
When i pray , i will not have any thing to say
my words have all dried up. I am at a lost.


Oh Jesus.
Its like I'm calling to you to save me,
and you either don't hear me,
or you hear and wont help me.
If its true Lord that our tears are kept in your bottle,
then i think you might soon need a bigger jar.

My heart hurts.